Meeting God

I’ve been back from Jacmel a little over a month now and my experience there is still very vivid in my mind and heart.  It is a place I will never forget and I cannot wait to return.  Since I’ve been back I’ve told countless numbers of friends and family about my trip and they only seem to ask about what I consider to be insignificant parts of the trip; my personal safety and concerns about what people do and don’t have.  Even in sharing my photos about the trip it didn’t seem like people were getting the gist of what I wanted them know about my trip and exactly what I experienced.  As I was looking back through my photos I realized that they were, obviously, from my view point but represented different encounters with God.  Some were pictures of kids, goats, cows, people, etc. and each is like a hug or a reminder from God that He is always present and in many forms.  While in Jacmel I’ve never felt safer and surrounded by people with such abundance.  The abundance of God, love and community was overwhelming.  The moment we landed in Port-au-Prince and I looked out at the mountains I knew I was surrounded by God.  Riding to Jacmel, I knew I was surrounded by God.  I saw God in everything in Jacmel.

As time goes on I've been trying to figure out how to describe the experience to others in a way to make them not focus on "lack" but the spirit of God that is present there.  It's hard to explain an encounter with God and resting in His arms daily.  Ephesians 3:18-19 was my experience in Haiti, it happened but it is difficult to put into words.  It's all of the feelings, the hugs, the words, the smiles, the kids calling out your name, the sounds and everything I saw...all of which I've found simply unexplainable. It's hard to explain Jean-Mary singing at the work site on a hot day to someone that wasn't there or the kids that show up at the work site to help without being asked. I came to Jacmel hoping to make a difference in someone’s life and I suppose searching for something and what I found was that God was searching for me and He had to bring me to Jacmel to whisper in my ear and even use a child to remind me of His love for me and how He is constantly chasing after me even when I don’t always make myself available.  I could attempt to come up with a detailed account of my trip to Jacmel but this sums it up:

...to grasp how wide and how long and how high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:18-19~

This was Jacmel.  I look forward to meeting God again.

And the presence of God which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  ~Philippians 4:7~

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I'll Always Love My Mama!

Delores was my Mama. 10 years ago she completed her assignment here on Earth and is now in heaven probably still bossing people around and giving out assignments to people on her various committees. I wouldn't be surprised if she has God on some committee. As I’ve grown up and come into my own as a woman over the last several years and gotten to know people who knew her in various capacities in life I’ve learned a lot about who she was.

Shortly after she left I decided not to dwell on the fact that she’s no longer here but to remember her by the life she lived and the people that still tell me “your mama taught me….” or “I do this because your mom did…” I often see her in the way others do things or their involvement in various organizations.

When she was in the hospital my aunt kept a notebook that she allowed people to write messages to my mama and I somehow came into possession of it. It is probably one of my most prized possessions and I’ll occasionally flip through it and read the messages people wrote to my mama. It’s probably 99% comical and is a great reminder of my mama’s relationship with each of the people that wrote her a message. It’s full of messages like:

“Delores, I came to see you but all you did was lay there and sleep. That’s so rude.”

“Mrs. Egeston, when you get back home I’m going to bring you a diet coke and come over and cut your grass.”

“Dee, I need you to hurry up and get better so I can tell you about what happened in sorority meeting and tell you what Morlin said.”

“Mama Dee, I drove up with Christie and Aisha and I brought you some eye shadow to try on, so when you get up I’ll show you how to use it.”

Reading these notes make me tear up just a little sometimes, but not because she is no longer here but because I remember the outpouring of love from my mother’s friends colleagues, church members, sorors, and people who just knew my aunts, grandmother, and my brothers and I. She unknowingly touched many lives in a way only she could do. She said and did what she wanted and was brutally honest with everybody. She had no filter and if she wanted you to know something she was going to tell you. There were no exceptions; ministers, organization presidents, family, people she just met…like I said no one was excluded.

I remember the funny things about my mama and funny things she said like calling one of the guys I dated Tugboat, because well he was a little on the husky adult side and the name was fitting, I guess that’s where I get my ability to make up foolish nicknames for people. I was reading through that notebook the other day, laughing and remembering and I ran across 1 message that encompassed everything others had written and who she was as a person.

Well said Joyce, well said.

Whitney Houston, Yes Jesus Loves You

I wasn’t going to say anything about Whitney Houston’s death because there simply wasn’t much I could say that hadn’t already been said or posted as a video. And unfortunately death has become so familiar to me over the last few years that it really doesn’t faze me anymore. I didn’t really care to watch all of the reports about her death and suspected causes because many of them were outlandish and the media spins stories to show the worst in people. Granted no one is perfect but it seems that at least in death that they could respect the family of the deceased, but then again positive news rarely makes ratings. I finally watched the 20/20 special about Whitney Houston and as other media outlets had done they discussed more of the bad than the good of Whitney Houston’s life. They ended the show with BeBe Winans and Kelly Price discussing her faith and her love of the Lord. The special also had snippets of the infamous “crack is wack” interview with Diane Sawyer and at a later point in the interview Diane Sawyer asked Whitney what she wanted people to pray for and Whitney responds:

Houston: Don't pray about the drugs. Leave the drugs alone.

Sawyer: Why? Why?

Houston: Don't, don't, pray for me, as a person, for my soul, that I'm stronger. And man, I don't care what anybody else says or did or what they claimed I was, I know I'm a child of God, and I know He loves me. Jesus loves me, this I know. Yeah.

I immediately realized that the constant in Whitney Houston’s life was Jesus. Even in her seemingly disheveled state during that interview she acknowledged that Jesus loved her. Even when she had admitted that she had stumbled along the way, she knew that Jesus was still with her. I can hear in some of her songs, just behind her voice or a look in her eyes, that He was always with her and if she knew nothing else she knew for sure that Jesus loved her. When her fans may have turned their backs on her, she knew Jesus was still with her. I believe that is how she always bounced back, by acknowledging her source.

This interview with Kim Burrell also confirmed what I realized about Whitney Houston and it brought me comfort to know that she had other believers in her corner that were always praying and interceding for her, even when the world had turned their backs on her because of her indiscretions. I think Whitney Houston had what we all need and hope to have, a strong prayer force surrounding us even when we don’t realize we need we need it at the moment.

My favorite Whitney Houston song is “The Greatest Love of All” but I will always remember her for her unrelenting belief that Jesus loved her despite what she ever did or what other people thought of her at her worst moments. He was always her source. Although her final performance, unbeknownst to her, was probably not her best vocal performance but was appropriate to her beliefs and a reminder to me that despite anything else “Jesus Loves Me”.